I have recently started reading a book called "This Star Won't Go Out" by Esther Earl, which was published with the help of her family and the noteworthy John Green. He said that Esther was the inspiration for Hazel Grace in The Fault In Our Stars.
I stumbled across this book in Walmart and it caught my attention because of the beautiful young girl on the front. Then I realized it infact was a memoir for this beautiful young soul who was now up in heaven smiling down on us.
I took the book and trekked across the store to my mum and asked if I could by it. Her response was simple "it looks rather sad Brynn."
I knew exactly why she was saying this. She worries that because I am sick stories like this will make me sad and defeated. I explained to her that it was inspirational and it probably would be good for me to read something coming from someone my age who also was sick. She ending up letting my purchase the book.
One thing about my mum... Well both my parents.. They're extremely supportive, I know raising a child who is sick with such an unpredictable disease can be extremely tough. I'm sure some days they want to hide me away from the world so the pain will stop, but they realize I still am alive, happy and growing. Suffocating me is worse than being sick.
As it turns out for the next two days I lost my memory of things. Like my house, my room, what we did during the day, everything.
So I ended up forgetting completely I purchase the book I was so very excited to read.
As with almost everything with Lyme disease and it's co-infections, it comes in bursts and then goes away. So two days after I couldn't remember anything I was fine again and my memory was sound.
I started reading this book and it is just absolutely beautiful. It really inspired me to start up my blog again. The person Esther was regardless of her illness was truly amazing and who I strive to be very day. Being sick can be debilitating on you, and the ones who love you, but Esther shows up how to not let the sickness win.
I write this as I lay in my bed... I really should be at school but I can't talk, I think I'm talking properly but it comes out as a slurred mixed up sentence. Mum says it's almost like I had a stroke, but I'll most likely be fine by tonight or tomorrow and go on living my life. I didn't start this blog again because I think I'm going to die, I'm not going to die, I'm being treated and hopefully it will cure me. I started it again because even if I can inspire or give hope to one other person then I've done my job.
I don't like my sickness to define me. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but I also don't know if I'd change what happened. It's taught me more about myself, my strength and the people who love me than most people ever learn in their life time, and for that I am truly grateful.
