In sickness and in health.

Today I'm sick. Duh.. It's a cycle week/day. 

I've been alone almost all of today, which is fine because I can't talk properly (I sound like I'm having a stroke) because I was alone I did a lot of sleeping, watching pretty little liars :) andd thinking. I honestly hate thinking because I tend to overthink everything and it makes me anxious and then I worry about everything - usually things I have absolutely no control over. 

Today I just sat and thought about being sick and finding love. The combonation usually doesn't fit, and when it does it's a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it's rare. Love for healthy people is amazing, but also hard to find. When you're sick it just ups the stakes of being hard to find. 

I understand why someone wouldn't want to be with me and I don't blame anyone at all. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I still don't have feelings, and want to be loved. I still want to do the normal teenage "go out on a date" thing. 

As I'm nearing university and the unknown of meeting new people and attempting to explain my sickness all over again is really terrifying for me. What if people don't like me? Or what if after they find out I'm sick won't accept me? What if I fall in love with someone and they can't handle the fact I can't have kids? All these things continue to go through my mind and make me more and more scared for university. 

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm excited for university, I just am also extremely scared. I'm leaving home and going into the the great big world. Ahh.

Anyways! That's my rant for today! 

I need to get some sleep! Hopefully I get feeling better and can be productive tomorrow!

Xoxo, Brynn 

Grandpa ❤️

While I was away at Wisconsin dells my mum called me and told me that grandpa had passed away. 

This was really tough for me because I had to be tough and couldn't just be sad like I wanted. 

When I got home I basically became a blubbering mess because I missed my grandpa and I never really got a proper goodbye. 

It helps knowig that I'll see him again, and that he's peaceful and no longer in pain. 

It still is extremely difficult to not have him here. It feels like a chunck of my life is missing. 

Our whole family is kindof acting strange - most likely because we're grieving in our own ways. It still doesn't make it easier that everyone seems to be either crying or angry. 

My grandma asked me to sing at the funeral - I'm more than happy to.. I think i owe that-  at least - to grandpa. I just worry that I'll be a blubber mess and sing like crap. I hope grandpa likes it and is up there watching ❤️

I love you to the moon and back grandpa. You're the best. Keep watching over and loving us. 

Xoxo, brynnie bear ❤️ 

Wisconsin dells

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! Grad was crazy! So much fun! I ended up getting on the honor roll and got about 9 awards/scholarships! 

I'm beyond proud of my achievements and I know I could've got here without the people who love and care about me.

The emense support from everyone was amazing and I appreciate all the kid words, gifts, and fantastic people that have helped me on my journey! 

Just some photos of grad!

My dad's parents couldn't be there because grandpa is In the hospital sick, so prayers for him! Love you grandpa! Xoxo

Today I'm going with my best friend Jordan and her family to wiscosin dells for a Fun after grad trip! Should be fun! I won't have service since were in the states so it won't be able to blog very much! I'll keep updated when I can!

Note to self: BRYNN! TAKE YOUR PILLS!

I changed my back ground to this: 😂😂 

Hopefully that helps me remember!

Anyways sending health, love, and an open and loving heart!

Xoxo, Brynn 

Saturdays (:

So it's Saturday.. The day of relaxation and sleeping in

Haha just kidding

I woke up at 7 so I could be at the ball diamond to coach my 10 and under team at 8. We're in the finals!

From 2-3:30 I have to go help set up decorations for grad.. 

Then at 4 another baseball game!

I have stupid poison ivy all over my feet and legs and omg. I can't handle this shit. It's actually terrible cause you want to scratch it so badly but you can't. Ugh.

Anyways. Love you all

Xoxo

Brynn 

Day 3

So today I wrote my exam in math... And I hope it went well. I really don't remember much about it, but I hope it went well :)

Today was a rather unproductive day.. I've been a bit 'off' lately so hopefully me sleeping some will help. 

I have an exam on Monday and then I'm done school forever! ... Well highschool.. I have 6 more years of university to do 😂 

To finish off this post, I lovely picture of an attractive Logan lerman... Cause who doesn't want to see that? Right? ;)

Anyways, keep your head up, tomorrow will be better, and keep pushing through. 

Love you, 

Xoxo,

Brynn 

Day 2 continued

So it's now night, I'm through the day, and you'd expect the worst to be through. 

Apparently not. I ate some soup while I studied for my exam tomorrow and mid eating it I had to rush to the bath room and ended up being sick. After that I was feeling kindof dizzy so I sat on the toilet. I ended up passing out on the toilet, crumpled over myself. My dad ended up finding me there, and my parents helped me wake up, and got me to my bed cause I was extremely weak and couldn't really move by myself. 

When I tried to talk it turns out I started talking like id had a stroke again. All slurred together and hard to tell what I'm saying.

I really just hope this all goes away so I can write my exam tomorrow and do the best I possibly can. 

On a positive note- I got 100% from my English teacher (who rarely gives 100% out) on one of my biggest assignments of the semester. So my mark is now 93% going into the final! Yay!

Anyways, nighty night, sleep well,

Xoxo,

Brynn

Day 2

Yay for no makeup! .. Far too lazy  For things like that. 

I'm actually at school! Yay!

I'm officially done highschool on Friday!

I have an exam tomorrow (which I'm very unprepared for) and one on Monday (which I'm also unprepared for) 

I decided to start blogging daily because it's a good way to keep up with myself. Anywho, I need to start school. 

I have to go get my monthly blood work today (I have blood drawn every month to make sure everything is stable), visit my grandpa in the hospital, mail some letters and grad cars, get my hair done, and have a baseball game.. And somehow find time to study..

It'll work it's self out! 

... Fingers crossed 🙈 

Anyways, ttyl, 

Xoxo, 

Brynn