I've been alone almost all of today, which is fine because I can't talk properly (I sound like I'm having a stroke) because I was alone I did a lot of sleeping, watching pretty little liars :) andd thinking. I honestly hate thinking because I tend to overthink everything and it makes me anxious and then I worry about everything - usually things I have absolutely no control over.
Today I just sat and thought about being sick and finding love. The combonation usually doesn't fit, and when it does it's a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it's rare. Love for healthy people is amazing, but also hard to find. When you're sick it just ups the stakes of being hard to find.
I understand why someone wouldn't want to be with me and I don't blame anyone at all. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I still don't have feelings, and want to be loved. I still want to do the normal teenage "go out on a date" thing.
As I'm nearing university and the unknown of meeting new people and attempting to explain my sickness all over again is really terrifying for me. What if people don't like me? Or what if after they find out I'm sick won't accept me? What if I fall in love with someone and they can't handle the fact I can't have kids? All these things continue to go through my mind and make me more and more scared for university.
I mean don't get me wrong, I'm excited for university, I just am also extremely scared. I'm leaving home and going into the the great big world. Ahh.
Anyways! That's my rant for today!
I need to get some sleep! Hopefully I get feeling better and can be productive tomorrow!
Xoxo, Brynn
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